Burning Embers ...

Richard Siken is quoted as saying, "Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly flames everywhere."

I love this quote for so many reasons.  We love others.  These 'others' are known as our children, our significant others, our spouses, our parents, our friends, our pastors, people that we come into contact with that make an impact on our lives and even ourselves.

This quote speaks life if you truly pay attention to the words.  "Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly flames everywhere."  Now, I am not accurately certain as to the meaning that Siken has behind these few written words, but what I know is how they make me feel.  The words themselves awaken a fire within myself.  This could be quite possibly because I have an addition to words.  Or #wordporn as you will see me hashtag on my favorite quotes.  I am a self proclaimed book drunkard.  Words are life.  Now, Love ignites so many responses and reactions within each of us and those actions vary from person to person.  But, in the end, Love truly ignites a passion within us all.  Passion is powerful.  Passion drives us into bravery and confidence and heightened energies.  Love is powerful and mighty and is believed to conquer all.  Much like a dragon.  Love awakens that passion and fierce energy within us, much like a dragon taking flight ... next thing you know ... flames are everywhere.  Our energies are literally everywhere we turn, in everything we do, in everything we say ... and it is all ignited by love.

It has taken myself years to allow my inner dragon to feel comfortable in flaming up my own world.  A place where the abundant Love that I have in my own heart, within my own soul ... has found an opening into my little existence in this world, and it has created more joy than containing it for myself.  I have always been able to help my children throw flames and feel I have been able to encourage my dearest friends to let theirs free as well, but there is something about finding that comfort zone and crossing that boundary into a land of "self flaming".

"People come and go.  Some are cigarette breaks and others are forest fires."

The people we have in our lives affect our passions and our releases.  Some encourage us and some squash what little bit of air we have that could fuel the sparks into flames.  As Dylan Moran stated, "People will kill you over time and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases like 'Be realistic'."

It is amazing how many of us allow ourselves to be murdered over time.  We allow our souls to be gutted and blown up and shot and stabbed and poisoned ... little by little by little, until we no longer recognize ourselves.  It is important for us to feed our souls with encouragement and with love and laughter and respect and affection.  Once we are hurt it is difficult to heal and we all know it is impossible to come back from the literal dead, but soulful and spiritual death can be reversed.  The fact is you have to remove that negativity from your life.  Any aquaintance of it.  Because once you begin that process of healing and igniting your inner fire, the slightest bit of poison will set you back.  Remember, it is over time in tiny harmless phrases.  You cannot get over something until you accept and admit that it hurts you.  Once you can admit that to yourself then you realize it is time to walk away.  Negative energies resonate much louder and faster than positive.  (One of my best friends, Trudi, reminds me of this daily.  She has a beautiful soul.  If you know her you are blessed.)  It is important to increase the positive energies into your life so that you can squash out the negatives.  Sometimes this means removing people that have been in your life for as long as you can remember and sometimes it is going to be someone you have recently met.  Once you begin a path of cleansing you can usually spot personalities that you need to cleanse away fairly quickly.  Remember, you can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you've known forever ... time means nothing ... character does.

We are all on our own individual path in our own existence on our own individual journey's ... each of our seasons vary from one another's.  Our experiences are not identical.  Our emotions, our chemical balances and imbalances ... all different.  We cannot second guess how the next person in line will react to trauma, joy, death, love, humor, joking, backstabbing, unfaithfulness, calming mechanisms, vocalizing or even affection.  We all crave the same substances in life I believe.  We want to love and be loved.  This begins with ourselves.  If you do not love yourself, how can you allow someone else to love you?  If you do not forgive whatever is in your past, how can you expect someone else to accept what you tell them?  If you do not create a place of peace and joy within your heart, how can you expect another person to want to place a piece of their heart in yours and reside there for any length of time?  If you cannot smile when the world gets difficult, how can you expect someone to share your tears when you truly need to cleanse your soul?

"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul.  This world is so guarded and fearful.  I appreciate rawness so much." - Emery Allen

Once you begin placing soulful and joyfulness within your life, your inner circle may become smaller but it will increase in value.  When you remove the toxicity from your life you will find yourself more energized, laughing more and even noticing the stars at night more than ever before.

Once you come to a place where "Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly flames everywhere", then you have come to a place where igniting your passions, your dreams and goals and aspirations in this life are at a fruitful point in your journey.

When this happens ... look at your children.  Look at your significant other or spouse.  Look at your parents and your friends.  Look at those rare interactions in your life where someone is making a difference in yours.  Look in the mirror at yourself.  Tell all of them.  Tell yourself.  "I love you with the fire of a thousand suns." (- a.e.)  Because those are the individuals that are a portion of your flames spewing everywhere.

Tolerance

Tolerance is simply the willingness to "put up" with something.  In particular the existence of opinions or behaviors that are not necessarily ones that you agree with.  This is an allowable amount of variation of a specific quantity.  Now that I have given you the direct definition of what tolerance is ... I want to bring up what it means in society per my personal experience.

Tolerance in some societal regions (most actually) means "Do what I want you to do, Think how I want you to think, Be how I want you to be, Live how I want you to live, Act how I think you should act, Listen how I want you to listen and PLACE your true colors on the back of the proverbial rainbow burner."

Does this sound like tolerance?  Nah ... because it is NOT.

Tolerance SHOULD be the appreciation and respect you have for others and them for you in return.  This does not mean that you have to agree.  It in no way means that you have to live your life and make your choices in reflection of them.  It just means that mutual respect and support is present between you.

Tolerance is found in raising children, work ethics, choices of residence, choices of schools attended, the choice in a romantic relationship, the choice in who you are friends with and how you spend time with your friends, in how money is spent and saved, how clothing is folded and the choice to adhere to specific diets and eating or exercise habits.  Does your friend spank their child when you would simply discuss the issue with your child and give them time out?  Does a coworker complete the same job duty in a different manner than you but still complete it properly?  Does your friend or family member choose to move to a city instead of a small town?  Does your friends child choose a junior college when your child chooses a major university or overseas studies?  How about does someone you care about spend all of their income tax return on vacation instead of saving or investing it?  Do they go on a shopping spree?  Do they live check to check and spend all that is left over?  How about clothing? Is it folded or hung perfectly or left in a basket and fluffed in a dryer before it is worn clean?  Do they eat healthy all of the time and exercise regularly or do they enjoy cake and Dr Pepper and only work out occasionally?  Does your friend drink a glass of wine socially when you choose to not drink at all?  What about racial issues?  What about religious issues?  What about musical issues?  Yes musical ... do you only listen to Christian music while the other party enjoys hip-hop or alternative or even heavy metal?

These are only a few topics that tolerance comes into play with.  Tolerance is found everywhere in every situation in every thing chosen or discussed.  Tolerance is a part of our decisions and consequences as individuals (not just adults but children as well).  When tolerance is not present it leaves so much room for negativity.  When peace and respect and appreciation are not present the window is wide open for irritability, judgement, hate, arguments and broken ties with people we care about.  Some things can be repaired and others ... well there is no coming back from them.

"Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs.  Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others." - John F. Kennedy

"Love is not just tolerance.  It is not just distant appreciation.  It is a warm sense of, 'I am enjoying the fact that you are you.'"  - N. T. Wright

There are, I am sure, many areas of my life that tolerance has been required from those that love me, but I assure that it has been mutual at some point in time.  I do not sugar-coat realities to my children.  I speak the truth and am always real with them, age appropriately of course.  I do being true to myself well.  I am not abrasive or hateful but I am "black or white" with no grey.  I love big or I do not love at all.  I am your friend 110% or we are acquaintances.  I mind my own business and only give advice when it is asked for or detrimental to the safety of another person.  I have dated or been married to a variety of personalities.  Why?  Because I get to know the person without regard to appearance, employment, athletic ability, musical choices, movie preferences or even favorite foods or social activities preferred.  I am a small town girl with a city heart.  I see and love the benefits and joys of each.  I do not judge people who choose jobs that I would never want to work, I do not judge people for dressing in a way that I would never have the courage to dress, I do not judge people for choosing relationships after one has ended or in the most unexpected places, finding love.

Some people say that I have a large tolerance for others and at time too large of a tolerance.  How can our tolerance be too large?  I find myself being judged by individuals ... as I am sure we all do.  I wonder if those who judge truly remember what it is liked and how it feels for people to ASSUME they know about their lives?  Because we all make choices for ourselves based on our own life experiences.  Our choices have reasons and most people, in fact the majority of people, have NO clue what those reasons are.  I have been told numerous times lately that if a person does not pay your bills, does not invite you to their home regularly for meals or prayer or friendship, does not come to you when they know you are in pain or hurting, does not reach out to you often as a friend will and should, then that person and their intolerance does not matter in retrospect of my life.

"Intolerance is the most socially acceptable form of egotism, for it permits us to assume superiority without personal boasting."  - Sydney J. Harris

This is one of my favorite quotes.  People as a whole (and I am guilty of it as well because we are all human and it happens) boast of themselves silently when they are intolerant.  It nonverbally puts it out there that you are better than the other person and that your ways are a better option or choice to make.  I believe choices are individualized.  I believe we are in the year 2015.  I believe our parents raise us to be better versions of themselves and then trust us to make our own choices.  I believe that we all have our own best interests at heart.  I believe that we love and be loved and that if we have tolerance it DOES NOT mean we allow others to walk all over us or judge us or discriminate against us.  I believe it simply means we take the high road of choosing to be happy.  Choosing to better ourselves.  Choosing peace and equality and to be treated like-mindedly and that in the end when tolerance is present people open themselves up to a version of life, a beautifully colorful version of life that wasn't possible before.  So much more love and laughter are present when tolerance exists.  Possibilities are present where they weren't before.

So ... my challenge to you is to begin developing a larger tolerance within yourselves towards others.  To create that boundary that shows others that if they implement intolerance towards you that it does not penetrate your happiness, your well-being, your way of life any differently.

Tolerance is love.  Tolerance is peace.  Tolerance is happiness.  I choose those three elements in my life.  Do you?

The Art of Making Wishes ...

"A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy, a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim." - Maya Angelou

I love this quote, not because I feel that few women are wise, but because it merely states that wishes to be made, healthy wishes, include no enemy's and not becoming a victim.  This has been a lesson that I have learned both physically and emotionally throughout my life.  This began at a young age of 14, for details that we will not discuss here. (at least not for this blog) We all encounter events in our lives that begin to shape who we become as adults.  Hell, even as adults we are continuing to be molded and shaped into newer versions of ourselves.

As a child growing up, my Granny Tator would buy Aquanet hairspray for me so that I could spray the giant dandelions in the field in front of her house.  All joking aside, these dandelions were the size of baseballs and some getting as large as softballs.  I loved them.  They were magical to me.  The field was filled with them.  She would buy 4-5 bottles of this stiff hold hairspray so that I could "freeze" my wishes into place.  Texas winds get relentless and if a large gust hit, these majestic dandelions would flutter off into what I believed to be oblivion as a child.  These were my possible wishes being completely annihilated by something that I could not see, but that I could feel.  So, Granny Tator would buy this hairspray and we would spend what seemed an eternity spraying my future wishes into place ... protected.  It did not matter to me if they were flowers or weeds.  We simply protected them because I loved them.  I wanted to protect my field of wishes instead of them getting lost into "nothingness".

As I have grown into an adult, life has surely shaped me into something that I never thought possible as that one moment 14 year old girl and the next moment a 14 year old woman.  A woman who felt like a victim.  A woman who felt she had an enemy.  A woman with a secret so large that she felt she would shatter but she continued to bear on her own for three years.  A woman who faced what she thought was her largest heartache at the age of 19 when she buried her first love.  A woman who faced fear at the age of 20.  A woman who ended up facing her largest heartache at the age of 22 when she was told her baby would not ever be born alive, would not ever take a breath, would not ever squeeze her fingers, would not ever be cuddled and never hear a lullaby.  A woman who became pregnant again and then faced the most terrifying day of her life and focused on protecting her unborn child at the age of 23.  A woman who experienced her first divorce at the age of 24.  Her second divorce at the age of 29. A woman who picked herself up after that second failure, hearing that she was damaged goods, that she had no light left inside of her to shine, that she would never accomplish what she wanted to so many years ago, that she could not survive as a single mother and take care of her children.  A woman who found herself again, a woman who finished school, with not just one degree but THREE in just under five years.  A woman who found joy in life.  A woman who, no matter the trials and heartache and pain, focused on the two miracles that blessed her life during those two failed marriages.  Two souls that were flowers in her bed of weeds.  Two blessings that kept a woman focused who would have wondered off and possibly become completely lost.  A woman who watched her daughter bury her father at the age of 9.  A woman who at the age of 32 made the choice to trust again, to see if love was real.  The same woman who had been beaten, broken and bruised.  A woman who had been left alone and had the back that promised to protect her, damage her very being.  Trust is not a luxury this woman has to give.  But, after two years of something that appeared to be real and trustworthy, I became a woman who experienced her third divorce at the age of 34.  A woman who thought she had met the monsters of this world and conquered them, just to discover they still exist.  A woman who is raising two children with rare blood disorders, a daughter with Celiac and who heard the words that her own daughter will never "naturally" be a mother at the age of 11.

A woman who realized her own independent strength is greater than any other strength in the universe.

You see, wishes can be completely annihilated by things we cannot see immediately, but by things that we feel.  No matter if the wishes are beautifully created dandelions or if wishes are beautifully created desires of the heart.

Life beats us down.  Life literally pulls the rug out from underneath us.  Life is ruthless.  Life is damaging.  Life is bitter.  Life is cranky.  Life is a jealous bitch.  But ... life is beautiful.  Life is sweet.  Life is fruitful.  Life is magical.  Life is filled with passion.  Life is filled with joy and music and dancing.  Life is worth celebrating.  LIFE and the goodness that fills it are worth far more than the scum that comes with it.

If you read this, and you are doubting the existence of granted wishes ... think of the dandelions.  Just because your wish did not come true, just because it blew away before you could set it in stone before puckering your lips and gently blowing them yourself ... does not mean that life did not grant a wish somewhere, to someone.  It just wasn't your time yet.  When a wish comes true ... it will be worth it.  Think of your wish, your self worth, your desires in life as if they are the most beautiful perfect diamond in the center of the ugliest and dirtiest coal.  You do not slam it, you do not crush it, you do not destroy that coal for you will completely annihilate your diamond.  Let your wish sparkle and shine in the dark for a while longer.  One day, it will be obtainable, it will surprise you when you least expect it, it will sparkle into existence right before your eyes and you will be astounded by its beauty.

The art of making a wish requires patience.  It requires trust when you feel you have none.  It requires you to believe in yourself.  It requires hope and joy and inner peace.  It requires that you dig deep and KNOW with every fiber of your being that if it literally blows free of your grasp that it was not the wish you were meant to obtain and that it was merely one you would have settled for.

The Art of Giving Thanks ... (Gratitude)

Lately life has seemed fairly chaotic.  As most of our lives get and it appears that with age we obtain more wisdom, but it isn't for lack of working for that wisdom through chaos and a minor amount of hair-pulling (note to self to trim hair to decrease pain from maximum yankage).

But today, in a day that is "supposed" to be filled with thanks, I am sitting here pondering all of the chaos in comparison to the sea of thankfulness that is in my heart.  Life has hardened me quite a bit.  But I have been able to cling to the areas of my heart that are still big and squishy thanks to the Lord and my two children and a few friends I hold near and dear.  Because sometimes we need reminders that the squishy may seem soft and weak, but it is actually more durable and much stronger than the areas that are hard and breakable.  Because ... squishy actually bends, folds, flaps, mushes, bounces and  curves around the other crap that builds up like decay.  So ... I am building a small thankful list that encompasses not just today but my every days.

1) Thankful that I am a blood bought daughter of Christ.
             * Seriously, does this need a description underneath it?  I may not be the perfect Christian, but then again none of us are.  I may not swim in scripture as much as I should, I may not quote the bible like I honestly should be able to, I may not preach, I may not minister, I may not do a lot of things that I could improve on in this department ... BUT, that does not take away that I am imperfectly perfect in God's eyes and that He knows my LOVE for Him through all things.  God and I have a past that only we know about ... we have a survival story that only we know the details of (quite a few of them actually) and we have an understanding of life and love and faith for myself and the journey that He has me on.  I am thankful for every single bitter ugly piece of my life because it shows me the love that He has for me pulling me through them when so many others left me for "dead" in the sea of it all.

2) Thankful for my children.
            * These two littles that have such a large piece of me within each of them are my heart and soul of life.  I learn from them daily.  I need them in my life as much as they need me in theirs.  They are so amazingly different yet so much alike and I love every single mili-second of being their mother.  I reiterate my #1 because He blessed me with being their mommy.  He chose ME to raise these precious souls.  They are quirky, fun, stubborn, creative, talented, athletic, uber intelligent, well-spoken, compassionate, sympathetic, caring, giving, playful, LOUD and proud.  They are confident without being conceited.  They are striving for greatness and push themselves and each other daily.  They are AMAZING in every single way possible to me.

3) Thankful for my parents.
             * The two beautiful people that gifted me with life and have raised me to be the "no bullshit allowed" leader that I am ... well, I have no words.  My mother has instilled in me compassion, creativity, a giving spirit, a loving heart and an outgoing "never meet a stranger" friendly mentality.  My father has instilled in me to guard my heart and mind and protect those that I love dearly.  The process of "never gamble anything you are not willing to lose" part of life and to stick by that mantra.  He instilled in me strength and survival.  To be strong and believe in myself.  To be confident without coming across as a jerk.  To be intelligent through all things ... use my mind as much as possible and to really see things for what they are without judgement.  To stand up for what is right, even if I am standing alone.  Each of these qualities are the best of my parents and I am so happy that I see these pieces within myself.  I love having the best of both of them.  I am so thankful for how they have stood by my side when so many other's walked away.  I am thankful they love me with a Godly unconditional love because Lord knows at times I have not deserved it.  I am thankful that when I was a stubborn teenager that literally knew everything and anything that they taught me through it all so that I would simply know more. (haha)  I am beyond thankful for them as grandparents.  They are the BEST the kids could ever ask for.  Playful and spoiling yet respect my parenting wishes as well.  Because even though I have the best of them I am still raising my children with the pieces of me that are my own.

4) Thankful for my truest friends.
             * I do not need to list names here, but those of you truly know who you are because I do not go long without reminding you how fantastic each of you are and how much I love each of you.  You may be my seester/sister/kindred/prayer warrior/febfff/or long time confidant.  Whatever you are in my life I revert back to #1 because God blessed me with you.  Each of you.  I am thankful for your prayers.  I am thankful for your shared laughter.  I am thankful for your listening ear and your shoulders that have been dampened by my tears.  I am thankful for our stories that only we will ever know.  I am thankful for you sharing your joys and pains with me.  I am thankful that I have a strong backbone and squishy pieces of my heart so that when you need me to merely hold you up as you have me, that I am able to do that in return.  I am thankful for "Gratitude Friday's" and for inside jokes.  I am thankful for a shared love affair with pumpkin and for moments of silence when the music speaks between us ... for us.  I am thankful.  For each of you ... our past and our present.  But I am uber thankful for the moments we haven't even created yet.  For the joys and the losses we will share together. Because there is absolutely NOBODY else on this planet that I want to share any of it with than each of you.

5) Thankful for provisions.
             * I am so thankful that I have a home and am able to provide for my children as an independent woman.  I am thankful that I can provide for them what they need and still be able to spoil them a little along the way.  God has blessed me with intelligence to obtain an education and the will and drive to work hard for what I need and what I want.  Hard work and dedication pays off.  I am so beyond grateful and blessed to be a provider.

6) Thankful that I am ok with being independent.
              * As I stated above.  Life has hardened me.  Quite a bit.  I know who I am as a person.  I am confident.  I am strong.  I am a survivor of things unimaginable.  I am tough.  I am abrasively blunt.  I am a fighter and I am independent.  I am not easy to love and at times not easy to like.  But ... I am ok with these pieces of me that are entangled with the good, soft, squishy, lovable pieces.  Because I know that I am thankful deep down for my independence and ability to walk away from things that do not strengthen me as a person.  Weakness is not an option for me.  It never has been an option for me.  I was not born to be weak and through that which should tear me down I have found the innate ability to conquer and move forward like a boss.  I am thankful for this part of my personality.  And although it is merely a SMALL fraction of who I am as a person it is still a part of me.  Which brings me back to #3 and #4 ... you lovers tolerate me at my worst and laugh through it with me knowing that I am who I am.  And as for #2 ... I am thankful both of my children have this same personality trait of independence.  They are born leaders.  Strong in virtue and faith.  Mmmmmhmmmm ... AMEN Jesus for that!

7) Thankful for my love of art.
             * This comes in many forms and fashions.  I am thankful for literal art.  On canvas, on streets, on sidewalks, on paper, on post-it notes.  I am also thankful for the art of tattoo's.  Yup, you heard me.  Some of you think I am crazy, but guess what ... re-read #6.  I am independent and I am who I am.  Each of my eight tattoos has personal meaning and are very sentimental to me.  I love them.  I have stories behind each of them.  Stories that will never go away ... that I will cherish and hold dear even when my body sags and they are wrinkled up.  They are a part of me permanently AS THEY SHOULD BE.  Written on my heart and creatively and artistically written on my body.  I am thankful for music.  Dear God am I thankful for music.  Seriously ... PRAISE you Daddy Upstairs for the gift of song and dance.  I glorify life in itself through song and shaking my ass.  My mind may literally be 90% lyrics ... and I am okay with that.  When words fail, music speaks.  Which brings an addendum of thankfulness to this beautiful #7: I am thankful that my daughter knows me so freaking well that when I graduated from college with my BS in Behavior Psychology and that graduation date was my 34th birthday ... she dug into her personal savings and bought me a set of Skullcandy's which I have on my head right now listening to my favorite jams as I write my thankful list.

8) Thankful for flowers in cracks.
             * You read that right.  I am thankful for flowers in cracks.  Have you ever walked along and noticed the scenery was beautiful and the pavement was cracked and thought to yourself, "They really should fix these roads? This sidewalk needs a repair really badly?" Well, have you ever looked and saw a crack and noticed a flower growing through?  You may see a cracked foundation from what is supposed to be a built structure for your clean shoes to walk along, but I see it as beauty cannot be held back.  You cannot contain natural beauty and you cannot contain life.  No matter how much weight, dirt, scum, decay, concrete, gravel you put on top of something, if it is beautiful and meant to survive it will.  Like my heart ... with it's hardened decayed areas ... the squishy spots folding around it like a cushion ... one day, a flower is going to burst through.  Because no matter that weight.  No matter that hardened area.  Life and love and beauty will break through.  I know this.  I am a work in progress, like anyone else is.  God's timing is a breath in comparison to my ticking time clock.  When He is ready for me to bloom ... I will.

Jackee Harry said, "Right now I am trying to be in a place of calm, a place where I can chill out and then handle the chaos of life better.  you don't just get it overnight; you have to work at it.  It's a daily struggle."  Be thankful people.  We all have downers, and struggles and chaos and decay.  BE THANKFUL through them.  Have gratitude.  Find joy in life.  LIVE for the love of God.  Be YOU.  Be true to YOU.  When writing the story of your life, do NOT let someone else hold the pen.

Thankfulness.  Gratitude.  Life.  Each and Every Single Day.

16 Perks of Being Fun Sized

Being a "short girl" definitely has a few downers.  For instance.  When you are like me, and only a mere 13 years old and thinking after being taller than most kids in your grade for a few years that you are going to one day have long beautiful legs instead of short stumps attached to your feet, the realization that you have actually maxed out in the height department and have actually stopped growing is a bit of a Debbie Downer.  Seriously ... at 5'3" you may think that I am an average height, but I am here to tell you that there is actually an entire world above me that I will never know about.  (or at least it feels that way at times)

But ... there are so many perks to being a fun-sized gal.  So, this blog is for my fellow shorties, because we may be further from the sunshine but we still glow my friends.


Perk #1:  This is a perk that I thought of this morning when I got home from work and was too tired to clear the bed before taking my half-day nap.  When you are blessed with shorter legs, you can leave stuff on the foot of your bed and NOT kick it off in your sleep.  Seriously.  Nothing moved while I slept.  This is truly a fantastic perk.  Just sayin'.

Perk #2:  Your kids outgrow you.  Yes, this is a perk.  Why?  So many reasons people.  Think about it. My eleven year old daughter can reach things that I can, and some things I cannot because her wing-span is longer than mine.  So ... I can now say, "Hey sweet cheeks, would you please be a peach and go get (insert object) for me?"  Little does she know that one day she will be dusting the top of the bakers wrack, the china cabinet, the entertainment center, the picture frames, the refrigerator, etc.  (mwahahahaha ...)

Perk #3:  Nobody bothers your stuff.  Why?  Because people who are blessed with long legs do not want to squat down to grab anything.  That means that every single shelf from our waist down is free for the taking.  Claim it!

Perk #4:  Our legs are stronger than yours (yes tallies, I am speaking to you).  Why?  You doubt me by simply just stating that fact?  Well, consider the source.  While you do not take the shelves and cabinets available (re-read perk #3) we are still squatting even if it is not as far as you would have, we are still standing on our tippy-toes to reach the stuff on the top shelves, and we wear heels everywhere we go in situations that we dress up.  Why?  Because it sucks to be the girl on the front row all the time sitting down in our pretty dresses and rocking pant suits just because your head is in front of  us if you are sitting and we are standing.  So heels by default let us show our entire OOTD (outfit of the day) in some pictures, too.  So, yes, our legs are squatting, stretching and elevated.  Boom!  Killer legs in the muscle department.

Perk #5:  We fall a little more gracefully with a little bit less collision.  Which comes in handy in the heel department after a long night of dancing and keeping up with your tall butts taking double and triple steps to your one large stride.

Perk #6:  People like to invite us to picnics.  Not that your company isn't wanted.  Because you are hilarious beautiful people.  But our legs take up less space on the blanket.  Just sayin'.

Perk #7:  Our perspective on life is always great.  Why?  Because we are literally always looking up.

Perk #8:  Being told you are "thick" and it is a compliment.  Some of us were born with a natural ghetto booty (and I love mine btw) but ... some of us obtain that junk in the trunk because whatever we eat literally instantly sticks to our butts because there is nowhere else for it to stretch out.  So yes, fun-sized gals are luckily curvy because of our diminished height status.

Perk #9:  Our world is bigger than yours.  Yup, when you are shorter that means the world is a bigger place to conquer.  So ... we are constantly on a quest to conquer the world.  That means we have a HUGE drive for success.  Have you ever met a short person that didn't have a big/abrasive/extroverted personality?  I bet they are far and few between.

Perk #10:  Being short means that you can always squirm your way into a corner, the best seats and the front row ... because you tall people are nice.  You always say, "Here, get in front of me so you can see."

Perk #11:  Being short means you are always thought of as younger than you are.  Seriously ... people always by default think I am still in my twenties and I think this is (although in part to inheriting good skin) the fact that I am the same height as a teenager.  Perpetual youth.

Perk #12:  We snuggle better.  At least it feels that way.  You other short babes know this is fact but we will let the tallies feel how they feel and not take that from them on this one.  But when you are fun-sized you literally fit into a "nook" much easier for the total best snuggle/snoozle time ever in the creation of all snuggles.

Perk #13:  We can walk through spaces without hitting our heads on door frames, hanging lamps, shower heads, etc.  Yup, no need to duck.  And if someone is throwing something, we just have to slightly bob our heads down and it will automatically land behind us.  Or if you are the nice person in perk #10 then we apologize in advance because it is going to hit you.  Ooops!

Perk #14:  Nobody ever tells us to "suck it up, buttercup!" when something physically straining is occurring.  Why?  Because we are automatically sympathized for being short and climbing stuff is perceived as more difficult.

Perk #15:  The last perk is the best.  When you are fun-sized ... you are always considered to be adorable.  People love to look at us and say "you are just too cute for words!" or call us things like "little mama" and "short stuff".  Yes they are adorable things to hear as long as they are not said in a demeaning way ... in which I will add one more perk --->

Perk #16:  We may be small but we are MIGHTY.  Be warned.


So see ... although one day my daughter will be one of those beautiful tallies that I feel I have perks above (which just means I will one day need to blog the perks of being a tallie for her benefit), I love my fun-sized status.  Just please be warned that my head is in fact NOT a shelf for your arms when you are tired from your long legs wearing you out ... because perk #16 can come without warning.

To Be Compassionate ...

The definition of compassion is simply read as having a deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune which is accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.  Biblically this is understood as Christ was compassionate for us.  In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 we read, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 

Pause for a moment, soak that in ... Mmmmm, nothing gets better than that people.  Nothing.  HE COMFORTS US IN ALL OUR AFFLICTION SO THAT WE MAY BE ABLE TO COMFORT THOSE WHO ARE IN ANY AFFLICTION!  Do you see the key words in that?  In all OUR affliction so that we may be able to COMFORT those who are in ANY affliction.  

This is a struggle for us all.  Is it not?  We do for those we love.  We do for those we care about.  We do for those we work along side.  We do for those in our church and in our school.  But do we do for those who are in any affliction?  God calls us to love as He loves us.  God calls us to witness to those who need witnessing.  God calls us to be a testament to our faith in Him and to share His love for others as he has shared His love with us.  This comes in many forms and fashions, people.  Seriously.  Something as simple as helping someone reach an item on a shelf in a store that they cannot reach.  Bringing someone a bottle of water when you see they are thirsty.  Saying hello to someone who you see look at their feet every single time that you see them.  Compliment each other.  Help each other.  Cheer for each other.  Pray for each other.  This is not just important for individuals in need but for fellow Christians as well.  

Just last week I was eating lunch alone in Taco Bell in Vernon.  There was an elderly couple that came in and I was admiring the simple affections between them that had been obviously a long standing routine of love between them for many years.  It was refreshing to see.  And then I see the wife sit down at the table while the husband gathered napkins and forks and so forth.  Then he sat with her.  After he got their tray of food when their number was called and he sat back down joining his wife, he gathered his hands in hers and he prayed allowed for them, for their lunch and for their travels ahead.  There was so much going on around them.  But in that moment, whether they watched for a split-second or until the prayer was complete (as I did), everyone in that establishment noticed.  They heard prayer and recognized it different from natural conversation over their own and they stopped and were silent and recognized that prayer that this gentleman was praying over himself and his wife.  Then life went on amongst us all.  But it touched them.  This couple had no idea that they were affecting others around them (whether in a large way or a small way), they were simply being Christians and thanking God for their meal and safe travels.  When I was leaving and throwing my trash away I smiled at them and told them thank you.  They have no idea what I was thanking them for, or maybe they did.  I was thanking them for reminding me that people watch, people see our actions, people see the compassion we have for each other.  I noticed that gentleman taking care of his wife, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.  If I noticed, so did others.  

You see, compassion is contagious.  Is it not?  The Pay it Forward Movement proves that, right?  Someone buys your coffee in the drive-thru at Starbuck's and you in turn at a random moment either that day or the next few days, pays that kindness forward.  But does that continue?  For most people it does not.  For some it does.  And yes, there are people who do not pay it forward at all.  But that is what makes it interesting and challenging as Christians, right?  What fun would it be if witnessing were so easy ... haha, yeah right?!  

Some people take more compassion than others do.  Let me ask you this way ... if you have a child and they are struggling with learning how to read.  You work with them 15-30 minutes every day after school.  But they just continue to struggle.  Do you throw your hands up and say, "Oh you just are not catching it as fast as I want you to so learn yourself." ???  NOOOO, I should hope you would not do that to a child.  The same is for our compassion towards others.  If you show kindness to someone every single day you encounter them and they are just a sourpuss back to you, are you going to throw your hands up and tell yourself or them, "You just aren't a nice person so I give up on you." ???  Maybe, maybe you feel that is a warranted reaction ... or maybe, just maybe you should ask God how to handle that situation.  Maybe you should ask yourself if it is possible that this person has never had consistent kindness that was dependable.  Maybe they do not know God like you do.  Maybe they just need that ONE MORE day of kindness to break through their wall and then their light will shine back to you.  

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.” 
― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

If we stop simply hearing what is going on around us and start listening we will eventually learn what others need in the ways of compassion to serve them the way that Christ wants us to serve.  There is a difference between hearing and listening.  Anyone can hear.  It is an automatic reaction to noise.  But listening.  That takes a psychological effort to process the noise.  Listen, people.  Listen and learn and act.  It is pretty exciting to receive opportunities to serve Christ through our actions of compassion.

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” 
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

Deuteronomy 16:17 "Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord your God that he has given you."

Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

1 Peter 3:8 "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart and a humble mind."

Each of these scriptures not only instruct us of God's plan for us as Christians but they also encourage us to continue our path of compassion towards others.  

This week I challenge each of you ... be compassionate where you normally would not be.  This does not make you a bad person, this makes you human ... and as humans we have the freedom of will and choice.  Choose to do at least one extra act of compassion this week.  Share it under this post if you would like.  Be encouraging to someone else to do this as well.  

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” 
― Mother Teresa

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 
― Leo Buscaglia

Trusting Through the Scum

Joshua 1:9 tells us, "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Simple, right?  For me ... not so much.  By fault I do not trust people.  Why?  Because I don't.  For me it is as simple as how directly this scripture reads to us.  

Some people are shy, while others are painfully shy.  The difference?  The shy people are simply quiet and slightly uncomfortable in large populations or in groups of people that they do not know well.  But they typically warm up and the shyness dissipates.  The painfully shy individual suffers in a variety of extremes internally.  It is so painstakingly hard for them to communicate on a day to day basis with the simplest of others and situations.  Even checking out at a grocery store is difficult for them and they even can lose their ability to breath easily and their heart-rates increase at such a rapid rate they can experience chest pains until they are out the door and in the safety of their vehicles.

The same goes for people with trust issues.  Some people are just distrusting and once they get to know you they let you in and you become friends or at least acquaintances that share stories openly when you are around each other socially.

Me ... well not so much.

Scum ... here is the fun part.  We all experience this in our lives.  The scum of a bad friend, the scum of an ex-lover, the scum of the enemy dragging us down by our fears, the scum of life experiences like loss of a loved one, loss of a child, loss of our innocence, loss of our health, loss of our faith (even if momentarily) all at the hands of ... what?  Typically another person, right?  There ya have it.  Scum.  It comes in all sizes, all forms, all angles, all times of the day and any day of the year.  It. Just. Happens.  So ... if it happens to us all ... why do some of us develop trust issues where others have the ability to sluff it off?

If this blog has any other purpose it is to state that I am imperfectly perfect.  Yes, I said imperfectly perfect.  I am imperfect, but I am perfect in my Father's creation.  He created me how I am.  He knew before He created me that I would struggle with scum ... and man did He know I would deal with A LOT OF SCUM.  But, Big Daddy also knew that I would have the ability to move forward.  To survive.  And I am here to tell you right now that my scum required survival.  All of it did.  Not just emotional or spiritually but physically as well.  If I were to count the most severe scum I have encountered between the ages of 14 and 34 ... twenty years ... I have literally survived fourteen bouts with scum.  Hardcore, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies kind of scum.  You do the math on how often that occurred over the course of twenty years.  For those of you that do not know the public knowledge of a portion of my scum, a few things include the loss of a child, being kidnapped when pregnant with my daughter, surviving violent rape, my daughter suffering from two disorders including Celiac and a rare blood disorder called Von Willebrand, hearing that my daughter will never have her own children, having a surgery and waiting a week to hear if I had cancer or not, comforting my daughter when she had to bury her father as a 9 year old, discovering my son suffers from the same rare blood disorder as my daughter, watching my daughter slip away in my arms before going into surgery, waking one morning believing that my life was ending and being rushed so quickly to the hospital that I didn't get to kiss my children goodbye ... these are fairly public pieces of my life, but the pieces that are not public are equally terrifying and fearful and have caused a deep rooted pain that has to be dealt with ... for example: physical/emotional/mental abuse and living with someone who suffered with addictions.  Let me tell you something about addictions, you cannot beat them for that person, you cannot heal them you cannot make them wake up and see the world for what it truly is.  You can only pray for them and choose to stay or leave and allow God to work, if the person seeks Him and sluffs off that enemy at play.  Let me tell you something about abuse. Do not - Do Not - DO NOT judge someone who has survived abuse of any kind.  The strongest of wills can and will cower to an abusive personality.  It just happens.  Do not judge them.  Do not force your opinions on them.  If you suspect abuse, seek help for them but in a SAFE way, do not endanger them.  If they begin to speak out to you after they have survived and left, LISTEN to them.  Hug them.  That is all they need until they ask you for anything different.

The best way I have been able to describe how this has felt is like falling off of your surf board in the midst of oncoming waves.  Just when you come up for air, another one pushes you under.  My dad says they are character builders (which he says to perk me up when something happens), which I typically retort back with "I believe I have built enough character, Dad."  (haha)  I have a friend who told me once, "If all that happened to me I would kill myself.  How do you do it?"  Well, simple.  I just do it.  God created me to be a warrior, a survivor.

I had another friend at one time tell me, "You have a testimony that will speak to thousands.  Literally thousands.  One day you will open your mouth and God is going to place the perfect words to be heard in your voice and the world will listen to you.  When this happens, it will be His timing, because to us a year seems forever but to Him it is a mere second in His timing.  Be prepared to be His instrument when He is ready for you to speak."  THIS IS THE one thing I have listened to ... THE ONE thing that has stuck with me.  This was said to me almost six years ago.  Guess, what ... in the past six years ... more scum.  (go figure) ... but do you know what I say to that?  Well, after the initial "Seriously, God?  More?"  I follow it with a "Thank you God.  Thank you for creating me strong enough to survive.  Thank you for creating me so that when Your timing has arrived ... my voice will be heard."

Where do my trust issues come into play with this?  I do not trust other people easily.  At all.  I do not trust people but I trust my God.  I trust that one day, that unconditional love will pour down so fervently that it will literally wash away the scum, every single moldy piece of it and my mouth will open.  And honestly, I am okay with that.  I am okay with knowing that it may only be one person that hears my voice, I am okay with His timing, and honestly I am okay with scum.  My scum makes me who I am.  It makes me a better person, more empathetic and open to HEARING what others have to say to me.  It makes me a perfect fit for my passion in life with psychology (especially the forensic world) because I see things differently with my scum-vision.  It makes me a good mom.  It really does.  I am able to love on and protect my children differently because of it all.  However, it makes me a hard person to be with/in a relationship with/friends with.  But, God is working on that, too.  Because He is faithful to me in my journey and He sees my heart.  My scum comes with fear, and fear is not of God.  So ... I work on that, too.  But we are all a work in progress, right?  I know I sure am.

So ... welcome to my scummy world.  Welcome to knowing that (more than likely) like some of you, I wait for the Man Upstairs to painlessly remove the scum that causes trust issues.

This blog isn't to give you insight to myself ... but more of a reach out to those of you that have trust issues, that have experienced the pure NECESSITY to survive in life (whether it is once or fourteen times) ... our experiences effect us differently.  I realize my fourteen may not be near as bad as your one.  But God knows you.  He knows who He created in you.  He knows your heart.  He knows your mind.  He knows your soul.  He is JEALOUS of you and wants you to LOVE and TRUST Him.

My faith is what has caused my survival instinct to kick in.  If you are struggling.  If you are trying to survive.  Look up.  Seriously, right now LOOK UP.  Lift your head, look at the sky, close your eyes, take a deep breath, be silent ... SILENT.  Once you have settled you will hear the whisper of God.  That is when survival begins.  That is when HEALING begins.

Because survival is followed by healing.

Psalm 9:10 tells us, "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."

Seek Him.  Survive.  Heal.

Then wait ... for one day God will use perfect words when you begin to speak and your testimony will reach the masses.  Their ears will open and they will hear your words as He wants them to hear what is spoken.  Be His instrument.  Be His.

(A great song for inspiration) -- "What I Know" by Tricia Brock

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YRko54M3_A