Wednesday, October 15, 2014

16 Perks of Being Fun Sized

Being a "short girl" definitely has a few downers.  For instance.  When you are like me, and only a mere 13 years old and thinking after being taller than most kids in your grade for a few years that you are going to one day have long beautiful legs instead of short stumps attached to your feet, the realization that you have actually maxed out in the height department and have actually stopped growing is a bit of a Debbie Downer.  Seriously ... at 5'3" you may think that I am an average height, but I am here to tell you that there is actually an entire world above me that I will never know about.  (or at least it feels that way at times)

But ... there are so many perks to being a fun-sized gal.  So, this blog is for my fellow shorties, because we may be further from the sunshine but we still glow my friends.

Perk #1:  This is a perk that I thought of this morning when I got home from work and was too tired to clear the bed before taking my half-day nap.  When you are blessed with shorter legs, you can leave stuff on the foot of your bed and NOT kick it off in your sleep.  Seriously.  Nothing moved while I slept.  This is truly a fantastic perk.  Just sayin'.

Perk #2:  Your kids outgrow you.  Yes, this is a perk.  Why?  So many reasons people.  Think about it. My eleven year old daughter can reach things that I can, and some things I cannot because her wing-span is longer than mine.  So ... I can now say, "Hey sweet cheeks, would you please be a peach and go get (insert object) for me?"  Little does she know that one day she will be dusting the top of the bakers wrack, the china cabinet, the entertainment center, the picture frames, the refrigerator, etc.  (mwahahahaha ...)

Perk #3:  Nobody bothers your stuff.  Why?  Because people who are blessed with long legs do not want to squat down to grab anything.  That means that every single shelf from our waist down is free for the taking.  Claim it!

Perk #4:  Our legs are stronger than yours (yes tallies, I am speaking to you).  Why?  You doubt me by simply just stating that fact?  Well, consider the source.  While you do not take the shelves and cabinets available (re-read perk #3) we are still squatting even if it is not as far as you would have, we are still standing on our tippy-toes to reach the stuff on the top shelves, and we wear heels everywhere we go in situations that we dress up.  Why?  Because it sucks to be the girl on the front row all the time sitting down in our pretty dresses and rocking pant suits just because your head is in front of  us if you are sitting and we are standing.  So heels by default let us show our entire OOTD (outfit of the day) in some pictures, too.  So, yes, our legs are squatting, stretching and elevated.  Boom!  Killer legs in the muscle department.

Perk #5:  We fall a little more gracefully with a little bit less collision.  Which comes in handy in the heel department after a long night of dancing and keeping up with your tall butts taking double and triple steps to your one large stride.

Perk #6:  People like to invite us to picnics.  Not that your company isn't wanted.  Because you are hilarious beautiful people.  But our legs take up less space on the blanket.  Just sayin'.

Perk #7:  Our perspective on life is always great.  Why?  Because we are literally always looking up.

Perk #8:  Being told you are "thick" and it is a compliment.  Some of us were born with a natural ghetto booty (and I love mine btw) but ... some of us obtain that junk in the trunk because whatever we eat literally instantly sticks to our butts because there is nowhere else for it to stretch out.  So yes, fun-sized gals are luckily curvy because of our diminished height status.

Perk #9:  Our world is bigger than yours.  Yup, when you are shorter that means the world is a bigger place to conquer.  So ... we are constantly on a quest to conquer the world.  That means we have a HUGE drive for success.  Have you ever met a short person that didn't have a big/abrasive/extroverted personality?  I bet they are far and few between.

Perk #10:  Being short means that you can always squirm your way into a corner, the best seats and the front row ... because you tall people are nice.  You always say, "Here, get in front of me so you can see."

Perk #11:  Being short means you are always thought of as younger than you are.  Seriously ... people always by default think I am still in my twenties and I think this is (although in part to inheriting good skin) the fact that I am the same height as a teenager.  Perpetual youth.

Perk #12:  We snuggle better.  At least it feels that way.  You other short babes know this is fact but we will let the tallies feel how they feel and not take that from them on this one.  But when you are fun-sized you literally fit into a "nook" much easier for the total best snuggle/snoozle time ever in the creation of all snuggles.

Perk #13:  We can walk through spaces without hitting our heads on door frames, hanging lamps, shower heads, etc.  Yup, no need to duck.  And if someone is throwing something, we just have to slightly bob our heads down and it will automatically land behind us.  Or if you are the nice person in perk #10 then we apologize in advance because it is going to hit you.  Ooops!

Perk #14:  Nobody ever tells us to "suck it up, buttercup!" when something physically straining is occurring.  Why?  Because we are automatically sympathized for being short and climbing stuff is perceived as more difficult.

Perk #15:  The last perk is the best.  When you are fun-sized ... you are always considered to be adorable.  People love to look at us and say "you are just too cute for words!" or call us things like "little mama" and "short stuff".  Yes they are adorable things to hear as long as they are not said in a demeaning way ... in which I will add one more perk --->

Perk #16:  We may be small but we are MIGHTY.  Be warned.

So see ... although one day my daughter will be one of those beautiful tallies that I feel I have perks above (which just means I will one day need to blog the perks of being a tallie for her benefit), I love my fun-sized status.  Just please be warned that my head is in fact NOT a shelf for your arms when you are tired from your long legs wearing you out ... because perk #16 can come without warning.