Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The Art of Making Wishes ...

"A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy, a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim." - Maya Angelou

I love this quote, not because I feel that few women are wise, but because it merely states that wishes to be made, healthy wishes, include no enemy's and not becoming a victim.  This has been a lesson that I have learned both physically and emotionally throughout my life.  This began at a young age of 14, for details that we will not discuss here. (at least not for this blog) We all encounter events in our lives that begin to shape who we become as adults.  Hell, even as adults we are continuing to be molded and shaped into newer versions of ourselves.

As a child growing up, my Granny Tator would buy Aquanet hairspray for me so that I could spray the giant dandelions in the field in front of her house.  All joking aside, these dandelions were the size of baseballs and some getting as large as softballs.  I loved them.  They were magical to me.  The field was filled with them.  She would buy 4-5 bottles of this stiff hold hairspray so that I could "freeze" my wishes into place.  Texas winds get relentless and if a large gust hit, these majestic dandelions would flutter off into what I believed to be oblivion as a child.  These were my possible wishes being completely annihilated by something that I could not see, but that I could feel.  So, Granny Tator would buy this hairspray and we would spend what seemed an eternity spraying my future wishes into place ... protected.  It did not matter to me if they were flowers or weeds.  We simply protected them because I loved them.  I wanted to protect my field of wishes instead of them getting lost into "nothingness".

As I have grown into an adult, life has surely shaped me into something that I never thought possible as that one moment 14 year old girl and the next moment a 14 year old woman.  A woman who felt like a victim.  A woman who felt she had an enemy.  A woman with a secret so large that she felt she would shatter but she continued to bear on her own for three years.  A woman who faced what she thought was her largest heartache at the age of 19 when she buried her first love.  A woman who faced fear at the age of 20.  A woman who ended up facing her largest heartache at the age of 22 when she was told her baby would not ever be born alive, would not ever take a breath, would not ever squeeze her fingers, would not ever be cuddled and never hear a lullaby.  A woman who became pregnant again and then faced the most terrifying day of her life and focused on protecting her unborn child at the age of 23.  A woman who experienced her first divorce at the age of 24.  Her second divorce at the age of 29. A woman who picked herself up after that second failure, hearing that she was damaged goods, that she had no light left inside of her to shine, that she would never accomplish what she wanted to so many years ago, that she could not survive as a single mother and take care of her children.  A woman who found herself again, a woman who finished school, with not just one degree but THREE in just under five years.  A woman who found joy in life.  A woman who, no matter the trials and heartache and pain, focused on the two miracles that blessed her life during those two failed marriages.  Two souls that were flowers in her bed of weeds.  Two blessings that kept a woman focused who would have wondered off and possibly become completely lost.  A woman who watched her daughter bury her father at the age of 9.  A woman who at the age of 32 made the choice to trust again, to see if love was real.  The same woman who had been beaten, broken and bruised.  A woman who had been left alone and had the back that promised to protect her, damage her very being.  Trust is not a luxury this woman has to give.  But, after two years of something that appeared to be real and trustworthy, I became a woman who experienced her third divorce at the age of 34.  A woman who thought she had met the monsters of this world and conquered them, just to discover they still exist.  A woman who is raising two children with rare blood disorders, a daughter with Celiac and who heard the words that her own daughter will never "naturally" be a mother at the age of 11.

A woman who realized her own independent strength is greater than any other strength in the universe.

You see, wishes can be completely annihilated by things we cannot see immediately, but by things that we feel.  No matter if the wishes are beautifully created dandelions or if wishes are beautifully created desires of the heart.

Life beats us down.  Life literally pulls the rug out from underneath us.  Life is ruthless.  Life is damaging.  Life is bitter.  Life is cranky.  Life is a jealous bitch.  But ... life is beautiful.  Life is sweet.  Life is fruitful.  Life is magical.  Life is filled with passion.  Life is filled with joy and music and dancing.  Life is worth celebrating.  LIFE and the goodness that fills it are worth far more than the scum that comes with it.

If you read this, and you are doubting the existence of granted wishes ... think of the dandelions.  Just because your wish did not come true, just because it blew away before you could set it in stone before puckering your lips and gently blowing them yourself ... does not mean that life did not grant a wish somewhere, to someone.  It just wasn't your time yet.  When a wish comes true ... it will be worth it.  Think of your wish, your self worth, your desires in life as if they are the most beautiful perfect diamond in the center of the ugliest and dirtiest coal.  You do not slam it, you do not crush it, you do not destroy that coal for you will completely annihilate your diamond.  Let your wish sparkle and shine in the dark for a while longer.  One day, it will be obtainable, it will surprise you when you least expect it, it will sparkle into existence right before your eyes and you will be astounded by its beauty.

The art of making a wish requires patience.  It requires trust when you feel you have none.  It requires you to believe in yourself.  It requires hope and joy and inner peace.  It requires that you dig deep and KNOW with every fiber of your being that if it literally blows free of your grasp that it was not the wish you were meant to obtain and that it was merely one you would have settled for.

1 comment:

  1. I really needed this, especially over this past week. Thank you for sharing Monkey!! So beyond grateful for you and our friendship. I've said it before and I'll remind you again, you are so Inspiring in epic proportions.