Saturday, January 4, 2014

Love Is Like Jazz

Why Mascara Convictions?  It is really simple.  I am continually on the lookout for the perfect mascara at the perfect price point.  I have tried so many different ones and continue to try (even though I have found some I really really like).  Our eyes are our windows.  We not only see the world from them but people see us through them as well.  Mascara is like having the perfect window decor.  My favorite and must have makeup essentials are mascara and lipgloss.  So ... MASCARA!  The perfect decor to the windows of life.  Convictions?  Well, a conviction is a permanent view.  A firmly held belief or view.  Each of us have convictions throughout life.  We may change them ourselves (and sometimes at the help of other people showing us different views or options) but essentially it is US who change our VIEWS.  This blog is mine.  It is my heart, my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs, my morals, my family, my personal convictions.  

So ... MASCARA CONVICTIONS is essentially that.  My (essential) windows to my personal firm held beliefs and views.  So ... 

I originally began blogging thinking it would give me an outlet for the millions of thought processes that go through my mind or even a window to actively put my passion out there (writing). However, I tend to prove to myself time and time again that I am the worlds worst at time management when it comes to things such as this ... and honestly that isn't a bad thing, right?!  Well, that is why I gave two new year resolutions to "time management" because I really need to get better at that.  I am a creature of habit.  I like routines and schedules.  So much that I seldom allow time for MYSELF.  So this is where my story begins ... kind of.  It is where my blog begins.  Faithfully this time.  I dub my time writing now as Blog:30.  

Those of you that know me, truly know what the last couple of years have entailed. I'm not blogging about it. ;-) (lucky you, right?) What I am going to blog about is the new beginning that this year has perked up with.

Time after time I have told myself that I am going to finish school, you know? Finish what I started so many years ago. Well, this year it is happening. I graduate in less than a month with my Bachelors of Science in Behavioral Psychology.  Not only do I graduate with this but I take a seven week "vacay from school" and then jump back in.  I am not going to tell you what for this round until after all registration is complete and things are set in stone because I am switching schools this round.  I was also offered a position in the advanced lit program from where I received my degree for Children's Literature. That is up for grabs ... still praying about that one.  Essentially I am blessed to be a self-proclaimed NERD.  Yup.  In the past four years I have gotten a degree in Children's Literature my AA in Psychology and my BS in Behavioral Psychology.  Now headed into my MA in ??? (wouldn't you like me to slip up here?!)  LOL ... not yet.  I am an education junky.  No joke.  I will not stop.  Headed towards that PhD in due time.

I also told myself that this year would be a healthier year. One that would be not only physically healthy but also emotionally and mentally healthy. Happiness is a topic that many debate over. Some believe that you create your own happiness while others believe that your environment is what creates your level of happiness. I believe that it is a blend of both. I not only believe that if we chose to be happy, we will be, but I also believe that if you choose to be happy but there is negativity around you, then it is time to let go and rid your personal space of the magnetism that pulls you towards it. So I have begun the process of just that. It is absolutely a process, but one that I am working at for myself daily through prayer and positive energy. If there is someone or something negative that is in my life then I am definitely removing it.

People pleasing. Enough said. God is my Father and my children look up to me for guidance and support and faith-filled yumminess. Those are the three entities that I seek to please. <3

Friends. *sigh*  "I didn't know, until I was at odds with the world, how much my friends who believe in me ... mean to me." - D.H. Lawrence

Love. Well, love is like Jazz. Beautiful, chaotic and all over the place. To a fault, I love big or I don't love at all. This goes for my family, my friends and ... well ... it is contained for the one God gave me. The one change that last year brought - is my ability to completely and unconditionally love myself. I began this season in my life with that one simple rule. To love myself ... by doing this I have an even bigger capability within me than I ever thought possible. The unconditional caring and support. Being able to tear down the giant, jagged, unclimbable walls that I had formed into a labyrinth around my own little space. The tendency to not trust. The inability to show another person who I truly am. You know? That quirky, weird girl that listens to any music, dances while she cooks, never retells a joke and gets it right, is OCD unless it comest to laundry, loves LOVES tattoos, can get foggy-eyed over the perfect lyrics to the perfect tune, doesn't like to cry in public, is passionate ... completely and utterly passionate about her passions, is drawn to all things that are far from normal in the psych world ... the girl that isn't the best at putting things into words but loves her GOD with all that is in her and does the Snoopy Dance every single Friday morning (and on special occasions). The girl that has two amazing children that have shifted her from spontaneous to routine, and blessed to be transformed by the very souls that she delivered. ---> You see, by loving every single aspect and detail that pieces together to create the simple me that God created ... well, it is just simply BLISS.  That ability allowed me to open up to the man that kept prying the locked shutters apart until he could climb through and reach my soul.  And honestly, God allowed me to open up to him because He knew my husband would be worth it, and that he would protect me so that I do not have to protect myself (all of the time).

This season in my life is exactly as God intended it to be. Blissful. 

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